Nine days passed before my biopsy. During that time I was not very stressed. I had received the report from the doctor regarding the mammogram and ultra sound, I felt very good about it. The chances of me having breast cancer was 16.8% and >20% before I was 90! These statistics sounded very good to me and the reassuring words of Dr. Baker letting me know he really did not think this was cancer put me at ease.
When I parked in front of the building where I was having the biopsy, a flood of memories came rushing to me. I had taken my Mother to this same place for an injection in her back, with regards to her cancer. How we sat together in the waiting room and the amount of pain she was in while waiting. After reviewing my scriptures I headed in to the biopsy alone. I was told I could drive myself home, so I did not see any reason to take anyone with me.
I received excellent care from Carol and Dr. Walsh. I just chatted up a storm with them. Telling them about the Carol I had worked with at the NEDC (National Embryo Donation Center), how wonderful she was and about the miracle birth of my embryo adopted twins. They both made the experience as pleasant as possible and since I really did not have any fear it was cancer, I was doing quite well. This was just a precaution and I was following through with the procedure. That is until Dr. Walsh looked at me and said, "I want you got get a SURGEON and I will call you with the results tomorrow. We will refer a list of doctors for you to choose from, but I want you to be thinking about who you would choose." Well, for once in the whole procedure I was speechless! I had chosen a surgeon the night I found the lump, but I could not even tell Dr. Walsh this. I tried so hard to hold it together while they did another mammogram and gave me instructions on how to care for my breast that was just biopsied.
I am happy to say that I made it to the car. Once I hit the car the tears came flowing down. Is this what the doctors said to all patients? "Find a SURGEON?" I did not think so, so I called my friend, Jennifer who had just recently had breast cancer and had been down the path that looked like I was about to take. She talked with me prayed with me and loved on me. What a dear friend in Christ I have. I pulled myself together and went to school to eat with my kids, because life still goes on.
The next 35 hours were a bit uneasy. I went to my Thursday night Bible study, shared my experience with the girls and both of them said this does not sound good. My friend Amy's baby was diagnosed with retinoblastoma when he was just an infant and now at 13 they still go to St. Jude at least every year. ( Read about his story here: http://www.stategazette.com/story/1115568.html ). She knew first hand how doctors just have to be straight forward and tell it like it is, which is how they should be. My friend Olivia, who is an RN for Children's Hospital felt the same way. We knew Dr. Walsh must have done so many biopsies, that he recognized cancer when he saw it. So we prayed. We prayed for God's will to be done, for protection and health.
A prayer from my sweet friend,"Lord, please give Marti your peace, comfort and strength. Father, place your healing hand on her body...may she take encouragement in your faithfulness, great love for her. In Jesus name amen.."
Friday, September 30, 2016
Thursday, September 29, 2016
GOD SERVICE
The week I waited for the mammogram felt like a very long time. I was quite concerned and a few of my friends were as well, which made me uneasy. You see, I have reason to panic when I think of CANCER. My father died at 44, when I was six, of cancer. I watched my very strong father, get weaker, and weaker with every passing day. Every breath he took was a struggle, I could see every bone in his body and when he coughed, blood came up. This is what I think of when I hear the word CANCER. The American flag was draped over his coffin, taps was played by the bag pipes and my family was never the same again.
CANCER came creeping into my life again, this time with my mother. At 61 she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, stage III. We were told the options were few and her best chance was a bone marrow transplant, so off to Houston Texas we went. While she was undergoing tests there, she walked out on them, well I had to wheel her out. She was so sick she could not walk, but she said she just knew that was not for her. The only other option left was to take a drug called Thalidomide. We were told it would only work until the cancer outsmarted the drug. That was the only option for her. They did not know how long she would live.
Well, I am thankful to say she lived 8 years. Her doctor, Dr. Grossman, was very pleased with her progress over the years and had told her she was his poster patient. My mother had many good days and was able to live long enough to see the birth of my miracle twins. Over the many years, my Mother's bones got weaker and weaker, she fell so many times, and she was in excruciating pain. This went on for years. But it gave my Mom and I time, time to talk about death, time to tell each other everything we wanted to, but also a lot of time to watch her slowly die. This is what I think of when I hear the word CANCER.
My Grandfather, aunt, and uncles all died from CANCER. So for me the word CANCER equals DEATH. Yes, this is dramatic, but that has been my experience with it. So when the day came to get my mammogram, I was not my chipper self. I sat in my car going over my scripture and when I was done, I still could not get out of the car. I thought, if this is CANCER, what have I done in my life? I am just a stay at home Mom. Have I really made a difference? While thinking these terrible thoughts, my body felt like a thick brick that I could not lift. So what did I do? I checked Facebook, why? Because I live in 2016! When I opened it up, there was a message I was tagged in, not one minute before. My friend Rebecca had posted, "Marti Morrow Bailey, I thought you'd like to know that out of the blue, Caroline came to me last night and said, "Mommy, it's Bible time. Where is my Bible?" What's interesting about this, is although we had read her the Bible a couple of times, it was not in the bedtime story rotation. She's going to a private Christian preschool so they must have Bible time, but thought you'd like to know she loves the children's Bible you gave her!"
The timing of this could not have been more perfect! This was the hand of God almighty telling me YES, MARTI MORROW BAILEY YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE! In the life of this precious little girl, I had given her a Bible. Even though I do not get to visit with her, my gift of the Word had made a difference. God used Caroline to remind me that I am LOVED by GOD! This allowed me to get up out of the car and walk inside the building. When I walked in I was greeted by a long time friend, Beth Harris, that I had been in an infertility Bible study with many years ago. She had the most beautiful smile on her face and was just delighted to see me. I had to take her picture I was so excited to see her as well. She gave me the most warm loving hug, looked my appointment up and told me I was in the wrong place! Well, for people who know me will not be surprised that I went into the wrong place! I then had to drive around to the back of the building, in which I waited for the dreaded appointment.
Finally, my name was called and by that time my husband had come to sit with me, but the mammogram he could not be with me for. While the technician was taking the images and reviewing them, she asked me how I was doing, because I had my head down I assumed. I let her know that I was praying for discernment and wisdom for her. She then went on to tell me she had a very busy morning and several patients that required extra time. After she was done taking my glamour shots, I was then escorted into another room to wait for my ultrasound. While I was waiting I remembered I had some books on my phone, so I pulled up one I had not read, called "God Loves You Chester Blue." While I was reading this book, I came across some powerful scriptures. Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength," which happens to be one of my verses I say everyday when I workout. What I was doing now, well, it was a different kind of exercise. This was an exercise in TRUST. When the technician came to check on me I knew things were not good! That is when I got the text from my Mother-in-law, letting me know that they were praying for a good report for me today and to wish me a Happy Anniversary! Did I mention it was my 18th wedding Anniversary? So, I tried to text her back to tell her the doctor was reading the mammogram right at that time, but the text would not go through, said NO SERVICE! There may not have been cell service, but there was GOD SERVICE! Not only did I get a text message without cell service, but I literally felt my body rise from a slumped position into an erect strong stance. Then the technician comes back out to tell me the doctor needs more glamour shots! So I get up to go and then she said he changed his mind. So I go sit back down and wait again. Then the door opens and it is my turn for the ultrasound!
The room was quite chilly and I shook the whole time I had the ultrasound. I felt very sorry for the technician, I was like a fish on that table. Truth be told, I was not only cold, I was scared. A few tears rolled down my cheeks even though I told myself I would not cry!! I have to say she was very thorough and I had no doubt she got it all. She told me she would have the doctor review it and he would come in and tell me the results. I asked that they bring my husband in as well. So when I got up to get dressed, I noticed the time on my phone and knew that my husband would not be in the waiting room, because he had a business appointment he had to attend with his boss. At that time, I knew I had to face the bad news alone. I was trying to gather myself when I read the text from my father-in-law. It said, "We are very thankful for the blessings your family brought Barb and I . The love you share is touching given today's great challenges. You both clearly realize the role Christ Jesus must play in married and family life. You can count on our support and daily prayers." I then tried to text back, but there was no cell service, only GOD SERVICE. Once I read that, God spoke to me and said, "It is ok that you are alone now, you alone will stand before me on my throne. It will be just me and you then and it is ok that it is just me and you now!" Wow! How powerful is that! Yes, I could do all things through Christ Jesus!
The doctor came in and said the mammogram did not look good, but the ultrasound looked better and he was going to do it himself to make sure. He then assured me that he did not think it was CANCER seeing it in "real" time. However, he was still going to send me for a biopsy, just to make sure, because it did look suspicious. But do not worry he said, I do not think this is CANCER.
So that night, my husband took me and the kids out for a feast. We laughed, we ate, and we rejoiced that we had been together for 18 years! We had rode the waves of infertility, death of a parent, infant twins, but not CANCER, at least not tonight...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart ~ Proverbs 3:5
CANCER came creeping into my life again, this time with my mother. At 61 she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, stage III. We were told the options were few and her best chance was a bone marrow transplant, so off to Houston Texas we went. While she was undergoing tests there, she walked out on them, well I had to wheel her out. She was so sick she could not walk, but she said she just knew that was not for her. The only other option left was to take a drug called Thalidomide. We were told it would only work until the cancer outsmarted the drug. That was the only option for her. They did not know how long she would live.
Well, I am thankful to say she lived 8 years. Her doctor, Dr. Grossman, was very pleased with her progress over the years and had told her she was his poster patient. My mother had many good days and was able to live long enough to see the birth of my miracle twins. Over the many years, my Mother's bones got weaker and weaker, she fell so many times, and she was in excruciating pain. This went on for years. But it gave my Mom and I time, time to talk about death, time to tell each other everything we wanted to, but also a lot of time to watch her slowly die. This is what I think of when I hear the word CANCER.
My Grandfather, aunt, and uncles all died from CANCER. So for me the word CANCER equals DEATH. Yes, this is dramatic, but that has been my experience with it. So when the day came to get my mammogram, I was not my chipper self. I sat in my car going over my scripture and when I was done, I still could not get out of the car. I thought, if this is CANCER, what have I done in my life? I am just a stay at home Mom. Have I really made a difference? While thinking these terrible thoughts, my body felt like a thick brick that I could not lift. So what did I do? I checked Facebook, why? Because I live in 2016! When I opened it up, there was a message I was tagged in, not one minute before. My friend Rebecca had posted, "Marti Morrow Bailey, I thought you'd like to know that out of the blue, Caroline came to me last night and said, "Mommy, it's Bible time. Where is my Bible?" What's interesting about this, is although we had read her the Bible a couple of times, it was not in the bedtime story rotation. She's going to a private Christian preschool so they must have Bible time, but thought you'd like to know she loves the children's Bible you gave her!"
The timing of this could not have been more perfect! This was the hand of God almighty telling me YES, MARTI MORROW BAILEY YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE! In the life of this precious little girl, I had given her a Bible. Even though I do not get to visit with her, my gift of the Word had made a difference. God used Caroline to remind me that I am LOVED by GOD! This allowed me to get up out of the car and walk inside the building. When I walked in I was greeted by a long time friend, Beth Harris, that I had been in an infertility Bible study with many years ago. She had the most beautiful smile on her face and was just delighted to see me. I had to take her picture I was so excited to see her as well. She gave me the most warm loving hug, looked my appointment up and told me I was in the wrong place! Well, for people who know me will not be surprised that I went into the wrong place! I then had to drive around to the back of the building, in which I waited for the dreaded appointment.
Finally, my name was called and by that time my husband had come to sit with me, but the mammogram he could not be with me for. While the technician was taking the images and reviewing them, she asked me how I was doing, because I had my head down I assumed. I let her know that I was praying for discernment and wisdom for her. She then went on to tell me she had a very busy morning and several patients that required extra time. After she was done taking my glamour shots, I was then escorted into another room to wait for my ultrasound. While I was waiting I remembered I had some books on my phone, so I pulled up one I had not read, called "God Loves You Chester Blue." While I was reading this book, I came across some powerful scriptures. Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength," which happens to be one of my verses I say everyday when I workout. What I was doing now, well, it was a different kind of exercise. This was an exercise in TRUST. When the technician came to check on me I knew things were not good! That is when I got the text from my Mother-in-law, letting me know that they were praying for a good report for me today and to wish me a Happy Anniversary! Did I mention it was my 18th wedding Anniversary? So, I tried to text her back to tell her the doctor was reading the mammogram right at that time, but the text would not go through, said NO SERVICE! There may not have been cell service, but there was GOD SERVICE! Not only did I get a text message without cell service, but I literally felt my body rise from a slumped position into an erect strong stance. Then the technician comes back out to tell me the doctor needs more glamour shots! So I get up to go and then she said he changed his mind. So I go sit back down and wait again. Then the door opens and it is my turn for the ultrasound!
The room was quite chilly and I shook the whole time I had the ultrasound. I felt very sorry for the technician, I was like a fish on that table. Truth be told, I was not only cold, I was scared. A few tears rolled down my cheeks even though I told myself I would not cry!! I have to say she was very thorough and I had no doubt she got it all. She told me she would have the doctor review it and he would come in and tell me the results. I asked that they bring my husband in as well. So when I got up to get dressed, I noticed the time on my phone and knew that my husband would not be in the waiting room, because he had a business appointment he had to attend with his boss. At that time, I knew I had to face the bad news alone. I was trying to gather myself when I read the text from my father-in-law. It said, "We are very thankful for the blessings your family brought Barb and I . The love you share is touching given today's great challenges. You both clearly realize the role Christ Jesus must play in married and family life. You can count on our support and daily prayers." I then tried to text back, but there was no cell service, only GOD SERVICE. Once I read that, God spoke to me and said, "It is ok that you are alone now, you alone will stand before me on my throne. It will be just me and you then and it is ok that it is just me and you now!" Wow! How powerful is that! Yes, I could do all things through Christ Jesus!
The doctor came in and said the mammogram did not look good, but the ultrasound looked better and he was going to do it himself to make sure. He then assured me that he did not think it was CANCER seeing it in "real" time. However, he was still going to send me for a biopsy, just to make sure, because it did look suspicious. But do not worry he said, I do not think this is CANCER.
So that night, my husband took me and the kids out for a feast. We laughed, we ate, and we rejoiced that we had been together for 18 years! We had rode the waves of infertility, death of a parent, infant twins, but not CANCER, at least not tonight...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart ~ Proverbs 3:5
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Dates That Stick With You
August 24, 2016, I walked into the crawl space of my house in search of a tent, by the request of my twins. I was reluctant to get it, because truthfully, I really did not want a tent put up in the house, but I followed through with their request. As my body was doing a new yoga pose to reach this Luke Sky Walker tent, I felt a lump in my breast. Panic, yes panic was my immediate reaction! After delivering the tent to the twins I rushed to the bathroom, to check if this really could be a lump. I mean, really, who on earth finds a lump in their breast by standing on their head while searching for a toy!I call for my husband to come and verify that this is a concern, and yes, he said I needed to call the doctor. Well, I have been in severe pain laying on the floor and my husband has stepped over me and told me I would be just fine (that was after a cyst ruptured on my ovary). So, I knew I should panic even more!
So, I called UT medical center where I go to get my annual mammogram. It seemed like a normal call, and I left a message. My next step was to call my insurance, because the previous year my insurance did not pay anything on the mammogram, because it was out of network. All the other years the same insurance had been in network with UT, so I was not going the make the same mistake twice! I called to see if UT was in network and what my options were regarding surgeons. That night I reached out to my aunt who had breast cancer to see who she went to and yes my insurance included him. I am sure she thought I was over reacting!
The next day I got a call from UT and they scheduled an appointment for me two weeks out. Well, I thought this was a bit long, but I knew my medical needs were no greater than any other woman experiencing the same thing, but I did think that it was a bit long. Another aunt agreed with me and told me to call my primary doctor to see if she could get me in sooner. Yes, she did think that was too long to wait especially after I told her it felt like a lima bean. She was able to get me in on Aug 30, my 18th wedding anniversary. I only had to wait a week...
So, I called UT medical center where I go to get my annual mammogram. It seemed like a normal call, and I left a message. My next step was to call my insurance, because the previous year my insurance did not pay anything on the mammogram, because it was out of network. All the other years the same insurance had been in network with UT, so I was not going the make the same mistake twice! I called to see if UT was in network and what my options were regarding surgeons. That night I reached out to my aunt who had breast cancer to see who she went to and yes my insurance included him. I am sure she thought I was over reacting!
The next day I got a call from UT and they scheduled an appointment for me two weeks out. Well, I thought this was a bit long, but I knew my medical needs were no greater than any other woman experiencing the same thing, but I did think that it was a bit long. Another aunt agreed with me and told me to call my primary doctor to see if she could get me in sooner. Yes, she did think that was too long to wait especially after I told her it felt like a lima bean. She was able to get me in on Aug 30, my 18th wedding anniversary. I only had to wait a week...
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Trusting God Through the Gasps
Today marks the 28th day of me finding a lump in my right breast. This was the MRI day, where I laid very still while hearing alarms blaring in my ears. It was not painful at all, nor was I claustrophobic. However, the noise made my head pound and I was trying very hard not to move, not even a finger they told me, nor any deep breaths, so they could get the best pictures of me possible. I had asked if the MRI would just take a look at my breast and underarms or chest also. I was reassured that it would cover the front part of my chest. Unfortunately, I have been having some chest pain, so I felt relieved to hear this.
So for the next 20 min. or so I prayed that God would help me stay very still so they could capture the most accurate pictures of my chest. During this time I prayed for the workers I met at the hospital, Stephan and Stephanie, as well as the medical staff who would read these results. I prayed for my family and friends. While in prayer, I repeated my favorite Bible verse, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," my son's favorite, Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and always," then my daughters, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has ever seen or no ear has ever heard or no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." All was going well until I was moved back out of the MRI and heard a medical person gasp. Well, needless to say, that is not what anyone wants to hear.
So what did this gasp mean? Did they forget to hook up my IV for the contrast pictures? Was what they were looking at so bad they need more? I was sent back into the MRI for an additional 6 minutes. Only time will tell. Until then, I will trust God with the gasp...
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
So for the next 20 min. or so I prayed that God would help me stay very still so they could capture the most accurate pictures of my chest. During this time I prayed for the workers I met at the hospital, Stephan and Stephanie, as well as the medical staff who would read these results. I prayed for my family and friends. While in prayer, I repeated my favorite Bible verse, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," my son's favorite, Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and always," then my daughters, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has ever seen or no ear has ever heard or no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." All was going well until I was moved back out of the MRI and heard a medical person gasp. Well, needless to say, that is not what anyone wants to hear.
So what did this gasp mean? Did they forget to hook up my IV for the contrast pictures? Was what they were looking at so bad they need more? I was sent back into the MRI for an additional 6 minutes. Only time will tell. Until then, I will trust God with the gasp...
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)